There’s a classic scene in movies: the protagonist has said an enthusiastic goodbye to a loved one with whom she lives, the car backs out of the driveway and the next scene is ushered in by the rhythmic bop of a universally approved rock song and our protagonist slides into view with a big shirt, boxers, socks that stop just shy of her knees, and if it’s extra funky, she’s got those dark shades on.
This is indisputably my absolute favourite perk of being home alone.
Last month, my fears escaped my mind and took form in the concreteness of black letters against the white. I had all of 24 hours to come to terms that I will be living alone. I took to pen and paper and did all I felt I could do - plan. I made big plans, small plans, plans about food, plans about studying, plans about working out, I planned it all. The pen between my fingers felt heavy - my anchor - as it moved over the lines on the pages. I was preparing for the worst, the withdrawal, the loneliness, the vast emptiness that would be, the fact that that I would have to deal with life, just me. Everyone is just a text away but let’s be honest, it’s not the same, and it’s nobody’s fault. But, beside fear sat curiosity: I’ve never truly had to live alone. I am deeply curious about myself, I love to see how I fare in certain conditions and that cushions the anxiety, sometimes even overrides it.
It’s been about a month in what I now consider a crazy experiment and here are a few findings:
The basic things I need to live are too many.
I dream of being the kind of person that can be packed with my basic essentials and on the move without needing help with my luggage, an all my things can fit in a duffel bag kind of girl. Unfortunately, these are just dreams. Why do I need so much stuff. And I use all of it, I didn’t even over pack.
Silence can be such a gift
In the words of Marshmello ….I find peace in the silence. I’m at one with the silence.
It is only alone that you can truly know your own energy
There’s a thing that happens in choirs, where an alto singer stands too close to the soprano singers and starts singing the soprano parts. Usually, when asked to repeat the part alone, they get it. Life is like that. When we are with people, beloved as they may be, we never really know our own tune. Who would you be if you were alone, isn't that the rawest form of you? And of course, influence is good, and we change and evolve and become better with it, but even the effects of influence are best seen in solitude. That’s when you know what stuck.
Alone, you can observe more.
First off, I do not do this, I only realize that it is possible. However, I am currently doing my paediatrics clinical posting and unless I make conscious effort, my brain is not wont to wonder anywhere other than my “to be read” list (academic edition)
Introverted tendencies are not truly expressed until such conditions as living alone.
It’s in the recharging. It is faster, more complete, when all one must tend to are your thoughts, your desires, yourself. When morning comes it is easier to face the world. Introversion, is not always quiet, at least not for me. I find that balance is delicious; to be present in the day’s dealings and be present with yourself as you need. This is introversion.
Also, who doesn’t love being able to dance alone through the house. No matter how comfortable I am with people, I find that it still hits different.
You either waste a lot of time, or you waste less
This is still on self observation.
I heard today on a podcast that introverts have long term happiness. I agree, at least I think I can see why. I’m doing better than I anticipated and that is deeply encouraging.
In other news:
Why did no one put me on Teddy Swims sooner!! Perfect for solo dance sessions. His Spotify for your listening pleasure:
I’m having consumer paralysis on what to watch. Thanks to Abbott elementary for making the choice easier. I’m thinking of restarting Bleach, now that Thousand Year blood wars is out.
Thanks for reading this far…
This was long.
Photo from Pinterest
~From
Naomi
(Nah-yoh-me)
#4!!! Then, "introversion is not always quiet".