Unread emails are like an itch I have to scratch. I hate seeing them piled up. 209, that’s how many unread messages are in my inbox - and they’re all newsletters and articles I really want to read. This is agony. Well, I decided to use that as motivation to flip open my laptop and actually write on here. I shall only be returning to clear my inbox once this is done. That being said, I enjoy writing this; it has just been hard to figure out what I want to share for a long time now. Life has just been happening, each day tumbling into the next. I felt/feel like an extra, yet, oddly enough, that hasn’t bothered me.
In my time as an extra…I moved to someone.
There’s an episode of the Tim Ferriss show with a guest whose name eludes me. Anyway, he (the guest) spoke about limiting beliefs during the podcast episode. I found it interesting, so I asked two friends what they thought my limiting beliefs were. One came up that really stuck with me. I have a belief about people, specifically human interaction: I think they are impossibly complex and simply not my forte.
But that was not what I thought about when I stood staring at the grass that afternoon. My mind was playing a compilation of all the snippets of podcast episodes I'd listened to where the hosts said some variation of "If you want to make friends you have to put yourself out there.”
I talked myself in and out of the plan - say hi, tell her I want to be friends, and collect her number. The loop of pros and cons was endless as I walked into the building and then out again like a scalar quantity. This happened three times, each time even less purposeful than the last. I had convinced myself that there really was no point. I mean, it had been a good year, I'd met a few new people I like, plus, I had priorities that needed attending. Also, deciding against it would stop the thumping in my ears and slow my heart rate. I would be able to breathe. I would calm down. There would be no pressure to make a good impression. I went back to my place by the bus.
Time passed excruciatingly slowly, and everyone was taking their sweet time getting ready to leave. Again, I meditated the worst that could happen and decided to go ahead. I scurried back into the building. It took three shaky sentences, a very kind hug from the very kind girl, and I was out of there. I let out a breath I was fully aware of holding.
It was done, I'd made a friend(I think).
A few days and some texts later, I would say, re-entering the building was a good idea.
In other news:
I went for the first day of taekwondo class last weekend. Loved it. I’ve got the hip joint of a 40-year-old so I’m worried the kicking moves might not take but they’re the ones I’m looking forward to the most - a recipe for disaster.
I have been listening to My Best Friend the Weeb on Spotify and I’m inspired to reignite my relationship with anime. Thanks to my brother and his Crunchyroll subscription, looks like I just might.
I have an exam, fingers crossed.
Thank you for reading!!
(like, subscribe and all the things… thanks)
(Couldn’t resist the title although it felt clickbaity)
~ Ayibaemi
Classic introvert behaviour! Well done on putting yourself out there. And good luck with your exam!